The phone call

   
After the longest 3 hours the phone rings…..”it’s not good news” says the Social Worker. 
It’s funny you try very hard not believe that it could happen for fear of it not happening and yet your still floored.
I waited for a while before phoning The Husband. I feel awful that he’s in work to hear the news. I let him know and hear the disappointment in his voice. He’s been much more reserved this time. I sometimes wonder if he believes we will ever be matched at all. 
We sit down that evening to talk about what happens now. The child we had been considered for had 7 potential matches to shortlist from. That’s a lot of potentials. However that does now make me wonder if being matched is something that is going to take forever.
I understand that you shouldn’t go into adoption with a time frame in mind but what happens to your life whilst your waiting? 
Having played the waiting game whilst trying naturally you have to get to a point where you say enough is enough or it takes over your life and you stop living. 

I remember the day we decided to stop trying naturally as clear as day. I was due for my pre, pre ovulation reflexology session the next day and for the first time as I drove down the sea front and past the boats on the lake to my appointment I was able to see.
For weeks I had driven the same route but had never seen the view. My mind was always full of what if? What if it happens this month? What colour will I paint the nursery?..

 

At some point to be sane you have to stop or you stop seeing and you stop living. Is that what waiting to adopt is becoming?? 

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